Not My Favorite Week
Last week was a long one at work… Not here at TFG but at my other job. I unwittingly ended up the focus of unwanted attention and it was not necessarily the greatest thing. The down side for me is that those types of encounters leave me both physically and mentally drained. My wife and I joke about the fact that I put a good deal of effort into keeping a low profile. When I am successful at this all is pretty well in my world. But when I end up the focus of things it grinds me down pretty quickly. By now the your question is probably why am I writing about this.
Working Through Stressors
I thought this would be a good time to talk about somethings my wife did over the past few days that were very helpful to me. Some of these may not seem like earth shattering ideas but they helped me work through the extra attention of the week (that my introverted side HATED).
- She let me talk when I wanted to talk. One of the dear things about my wife is that she is a bit of a protective mamma bear. So as I had filled her in on how the day had been unfolding she was in a defense mode for me when I got home. But she let me stretch out next to her for a few minutes and unpack everything in my head and then talk it over with her. When there were long pauses she didn’t pepper me with questions she just let me work things out in my head and start up again. It’s not that she didn’t talk, she just gave me a lot of room and asked a few questions to show she cared.
- She refrained from offering suggestions. This is usually one of the traps we husbands fall into often, so I’m not sure if she this was difficult for her or not. But it was nice to just unload and be heard. This also allowed me to work through things as I spoke about them and it gave me more clarity.
- Throughout it all, she was on my side. I’m not saying it’s always a good idea to just unconditionally agree with your spouse but sometimes we make a mistake of playing devil’s advocate to help them see a different side of an issue when really they just need to be heard or vent. (More on this in a bit)
Edits from a Very Bright Person
So in all fairness I will admit that the first person I have read these as I work on them is my wife. I do this for a couple of reasons. First, as in with the situation I just shared in this post, she was there and may have a different perspective. Second, she’s smart and I like how she thinks. This brings me to the edits from her perspective. She says she felt like she talked to much because at one point she thought I might do something I’d regret later (get a full tattoo sleeve). While I didn’t realize this until she told me, I didn’t react well to this and said something like “After all of this I don’t need my wife against me too.”
I think there are a couple of lessons here:
- Even if you think you talked to much your partner may think you were great.
- In the heat of the moment we say things we don’t even realize. I had no clue I had lashed out until she just told me. So in my mind everything had gone great when really I owed her an apology… And yes, I did.
- Revisiting the conversation when you’ve cooled down is also a good idea. Just like me you might find out some things happened you weren’t even aware of.
We all want to be heard
I don’t think this only works for an introverted spouse. All of us like to be heard and many times just need to time and space to vent. Having a spouse that can let you do all of that is a true blessing. And who doesn’t want a happy marriage even during the stressors life throws at us?
A quick note for the venting spouse, remember your spouse wasn’t the cause of this so don’t lash out at them….
As usual I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave any comments or questions you have. I promise I will respond to them.
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