As wise friend asked her mother, “What would you have done differently in your parenting, if you could go back and do it all over again?”
Her mother replied simply, “I’d have shut the door.”
It was obvious to my friend her mother had contemplated this before, “What do you mean? Shut the door on what?”
“I mean, shut the door to life’s messes and enjoyed our family more.”
As my friend spoke these words to me, tears welled in my eyes … I knew the remembrance of this “random” conversation long ago was purposely shared for my benefit. Though she was probably unaware, God was using this to show me something.
We continued to sip our coffee and visit about other things, but I never really left that phrase, “shut the door”.
In reflecting on my day to day life, I honestly admitted, I enjoy very little unless my surroundings are within my scope of acceptable organization, aesthetically pleasing to my eyes, and reflect a cleanliness that is unachievable for a family of five.
Oh, my poor husband, three children, and my tendencies that potentially cause division. Countless times, I’ve arrived home only to find the kitchen dirty, the den clutter out of control, and shoes covering the floor of the entry way. How in the world can I leave the house in top shape only to be away for a few ours and come home to this tornado of disarray?
Anger and frustration would burn within me sparking my sharp tongue to ignition. How dare my family have fun and strengthen their relationships by spending time together and not cleaning! Cleanliness is next to Godliness, am I the only one who loves Jesus here!
My thoughts become angry words that waged war on my family’s attempt to enjoy time together.
I am just like my friend’s mother. I also need to shut the door.
Shut the door on trying to get my children to fit the model I want for them or think they should embody.
Shut the door on having my daughter keep her room perfectly clean so that I can feel pleased and a sense of accomplishment that she looks organized and appears to have it all together.
Shut the door on what I consider a mess and seek the reason as to why the mess affects me so.
Why I am so vainly defiant on accepting my family as the four unique individuals they are verses the diligence of which I continue to force my own bondage of cleanliness onto them?
Lastly, shut the door to fear … fear of judgement regarding how others might view them if they do not perform up to the worlds standards.
I think to myself…
How many memories have I lost in my attempts to reach perfection within my home?
How many fun times have I purposely chosen to miss for the sake of laundry? Not just weekly laundry that has to be completed because we all need clean clothes…no, it’s the unnecessary daily choice to wash due to my desire to consistently see a basket void of all dirty clothes.
How have I damaged the relationships with my son, two daughters, and my husband by demanding they conform to my personal bondage to organization and cleanliness?
So many times, I mistakenly thought I had a gift of organization and a gift of keeping a clean home. I’m rethinking the gift part of that sentence…I think it’s more of a curse. This desire for constant order and perfection stems from a much deeper root and it’s not of God.
Driving home, I picture the scenario I will encounter as I arrive. It will be the same, but this time, I will not.
I hear laughter coming from upstairs. I observe the dirty dishes on the table and counters, the shoes scattered by the front door, and the disarray of the teenager’s bedroom.
Walking down the hall, as to symbolically show I am changed, I shut the door.
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