There is a common phrase that you could get stitched on a pillow: Retirement is Twice as Much Husband on Half as Much Money.
That is often so true! This is just one of many transitions in the season of retirement that can be a real strain to your relationships.
Let’s review some of the hardest issues to navigate and then in the next post, we will give some tips to overcome the difficulties. If you or someone you care about is in this season, take some time to reflect on these.
1. Unrealistic expectations
Let’s just hit it right off the bat. Many people have unrealistic images of what this season will look like. And who can blame them? Retirement is something you work toward (literally) for years and dream of for just as long, especially near the end. But consider carefully the images you are creating for yourself, for your spouse, for others in your life. Your expectations can be poisonous and prevent you from living well.
2. Financial changes
It may be obvious that your finances will not be the same, but let’s consider what those financial changes will do to your relationships. Consider a spouse who cannot run off and let off steam by shopping. Or a reduced grocery or restaurant budget can drastically impact your routines. If you expect those thoughtful gifts to keep coming and they can’t, you might not feel as loved. And when you have different thoughts on how to spend (or not spend) the money, it can cause a lot of added tension.
3. Intrusive spouses
Sometimes retirement leaves room for a lot more commentary on each other’s lives. Questioning and nagging or even constant analysis of the schedule can stir up trouble. You might find yourself critical of your spouse and his or her household management, cleanliness, use of free time, eating habits, choice of friends, and more. You are in each other’s space and it is easy to have conflict as you do things differently.
4. Long-term conflict is exposed
Now that you are not as pre-occupied with work and family, the problems that you tried to push under the rug are starting to smell bad. These may be personality differences that you have not learned to manage well or conflict that has not ever been resolved. In retirement transitions, this can lead to passive-aggressive communication, sarcasm and character assassination. There is no quick solution, but rather a desperate need to work through what is bugging each of you.
5. Changes in routine ruffle your feathers
We are naturally creatures of habit and when our schedule changes it can have a major ripple effect. Now that you don’t have to run out the door you may have a whole different routine. This can cause you to feel misplaced, insecure, and make you feel unsettled. And then the spouse (whether in their own new retirement or not) is now adjusting as well. It is enough to cause anyone to be thrown off kilter. Give yourself time to make this transition.
6. Your identity and purpose is challenged
If you have felt tremendous purpose and identity in your profession and the people you work with, you may find yourself really struggling to find purpose and satisfaction in a different routine. This can lead to a grumpy disposition or a temporary depression. If you or your spouse is struggling with this, connect with a counselor or pastor to talk more about it.
I recognize I am just stirring up trouble without giving much solution, but it is important to identify what is going on and reflect. Once you have spent some time praying or thinking about what is going on in your transition, consider the blog with some practical ideas of how to move forward in retirement in a healthy way.
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