Retirement, for all the boasts about being on the other side of the rainbow, can be incredibly painful. We brought up some of these tough issues in or last blog. But now it is time for some hope! Here are 6 ways we suggest you can thrive in marriage during the retirement transition.
1. Keep communicating
Plan to be open with each other and to listen well. Your spouse’s thoughts might not be what you thought, so you need to listen carefully. And be careful to not think so much in your own head and not share it with your spouse. They cannot read your mind, even if you have been married for decades.
2. Make a plan
Life will continue to change so make a plan for 1-3 months at a time. Decide together what changes you will make in finances, schedule, hobbies, routine, household management, and more. When you make a plan for who is in charge of which jobs and how you will know if you are making progress, you will both relax more.
3. Give each other space
You both need time to do your own thing, connect with your own friends, and freedom to adjust to the changes in your own ways. Some people respond to retirement with more energy and drivenness to tasks and others slow down and enjoy small pleasures. Allow space for each person to do their own thing, even if it is unusual behavior.
4. Take time to adjust
Give yourselves a realistic amount of time to adjust with realistic expectations for yourself and others. My dad is quick to remind me to be gentle with myself when I am in the midst of change because he knows I am really hard on myself. This could mean 90 days or even 6 months. Let’s face it, the whole first year will be a transition! Mark your calendar so you know where these mile markers are and then you can stay focused on settling in.
5. Find a confidant
Find someone of the same gender or a professional in the field who you can talk to as you work through this process. You are not alone! Others have gone before you and others are in it right now. Make sure you have time in your schedule to chat, express, and vent to someone trustworthy.
6. Continue to dream
This new season brings a ton of opportunity. Sometimes when the expectations can’t be reached fast enough we get discouraged and think we are stuck. Many times these circumstances are temporary—we can save for that dream golf cart or vacation, we can work out til we have more stamina, we can learn to do that new hobby, we can build relationships with family, we can refocus our identities without our professions. Imagine all that God might have for you in this season!
Which of these are you working on? What suggestions would you add? Please let us know!
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